When to Kiss Her
by GottaLoveAlex
Summary: (Series of one shots. Doesn't have an update schedule.) The best times for Barry to kiss Caitlin. Ch7: When She's Drunk. "And Caitlin Snow was in front of him, in a loose-fitting shirt, his loose-fitting shirt, legs bare and sublime, hair dishevelled yet sexy, and smile radiant."
1. When You've Almost Lost Her

She's barely conscious of his arm around her waist. She doesn't comprehend that he's carrying her bridal style and running. His voice is just a faint buzzing in her ears. All she can register is blood. So much blood. Some of it runs along her fingers onto the ground. There's more of it in a puddle on the floor, smudged on her face from his fingers and in the gaping hole in her chest. She belatedly realizes that all this blood is hers, but for some reason, she just doesn't care. At some point, she's not looking at the dark sky anymore but at bright lights. Voices around her multiply, seemingly panicked, but she can't find his. Then sounds disappear, and everything goes black. And she can't help but think that this is the most peaceful she's been in a long time.

* * *

"We've put her in an induced coma."

The doctor telling him this stood in front of him looking extremely pallid in the hospital's fluorescent lights. Barry made him repeat that phrase four times before he sank back down in the plastic chair. "Why?" he managed to croak out.

The doctor's voice was annoyingly calm. "She lost a lot of blood which means that not enough oxygen circulated in her body at some point. We don't know how long her brain stayed deprived of it. So we don't know how much damage her brain sustained. A medically induced coma is the best option to give her brain the time to heal."

Barry wanted to ask so many questions, but there was one he particularly wanted to know the answer to. "Is it possible that she'll have memory problems?"  
"You want to know if it's possible she won't remember you," the doctor stated, rather than asked, with a small smile. "Everything's possible. There's a chance she'll wake up with memory loss and an equal chance she'll wake up with no problem whatsoever."

"And there's a chance she won't wake up at all, isn't there?" asked Barry, already knowing the answer yet not wanting to hear it.  
The doctor simply nodded, the smile having disappeared from his face.

* * *

Barry still remembered how they had fought for half an hour about whether or not Caitlin would come with him on the mission.

How they both went undercover at a gala to stop a robbery although the thief wasn't a metahuman but a simple man that the CCPD couldn't outsmart and catch.

How everything went south a few moments after they started dancing.

How the thief showed up to steal a ruby necklace and, seeing the Flash head towards him, started shooting in the random direction of the superhero.

How one of the bullets hit Cailtin.

How her scream got Barry to abandon the robber and rush towards her, desperately trying to stop the blood oozing from her stomach.

How he held her face, begging her to stay awake, leaving smears of blood everywhere.

How he rushed out with her in his arms ignoring the looks of astonishment from people in fancy dresses and suits.

How the hospital staff in the emergency entrance got too distracted by seeing the Flash that they didn't notice the woman he was holding until he yelled at them to help her.

How Cisco had stopped shouting in his ear piece asking what had happened and had showed up ten minutes later at the hospital when Barry told him Caitlin got shot.

How he had changed into regular clothes and come back to the hospital a few minutes later as Barry, frantically trying to get information about Caitlin.

How, after her surgery, he had told the hospital staff that his father was a detective and would make their lives a living hell if they didn't let him see Caitlin.

How the nurses finally agreed and complied because of his tears, not his threats.

So now, he was watching her motionless form in front of him, trying to hold back tears of sadness and guilt.

* * *

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be waiting for her to wake up from her coma. He wasn't supposed to be sitting next to her hospital bed in an uncomfortable chair, holding her limp hand, praying that she'd come back to him. He wasn't supposed to feel this helpless. But also, he wasn't supposed to feel that way about her. He was scared that she wouldn't wake up, but he was also scared of what he would say when she woke up. There was no entertaining the idea that she might not, that her light brown eyes might never meet his again.

He wasn't quite sure yet what it was that he felt towards her, but it was definitely something deeper than friendship. He didn't really know when he had started to care for her as more than just a friend, but he did, and he regrets that she had to be on the verge of dying for him to realize his feelings for her. It hurt him more that she was in a medically induced coma because that meant he had messed up so badly that they had to physically stop her from being with him in order to protect her.

"She's going to be OK," he thought. She had to. For his own sanity.

* * *

"Today's the day," the doctor announced cheerfully.

Barry looked up at him from beside Caitlin's hospital bed. The dark shadows under his eyes stood out in contrast with his pale face. He had spent the last eight days in Caitlin's room watching as nurses checked on her and getting yelled at by Cisco to go home and do something besides sulking.

"We'll need you to stay back though so we can work properly," the doctor continued.

Barry simply nodded, suddenly filled with energy, his eyes regaining back their spark. A few nurses joined the doctor as they unhooked machines and IVs from Caitlin's body, checked some charts and did other things Barry lost track of. Finally, the number of people in the room decreased to the doctor, a nurse, Barry and Caitlin who began stirring after a couple of minutes. Barry stepped closer to her bed, but the doctor gently held his arm to stop him.

She eventually opened her eyes slowly, and Barry let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes in relief. When he opened them back and tuned into the conversation, the doctor had just finished briefing Caitlin about her situation. He figured it was the best time to make his presence known to her. He stepped out from behind the doctor's form and approached her bed.

"Hey," he said with a shy voice. "How are you feeling?"  
"I... I'm... I'm sorry, but who .. are you?"

Barry's heart suddenly beat faster, and he felt he might have a panic attack. He was in desperate need of fresh air and maybe a bucket filled with iced water he could dump on his head.

"Give it time," the doctor said. But Barry heard none of it as he stumbled on the foot of the chair- the one he spent so much time in - trying, as fast as possible, to get as far away as he could from the woman who would break his heart.

This wasn't happening. This wasn't real.

This wasn't real.

* * *

When he comes back to her room, eyes puffed and red, she's sitting up in her bed. For a moment, all he can think about is how beautiful she looks. True, her hair's a mess and her face is pale, but she's alive and that just makes her gorgeous.

"Hey," she says, and his eyes immediately snap up at her gentle tone. When he doesn't respond, she goes on, concern evident in her voice, "Barry, what's wrong?"

"You... you recognize me?" His voice is barely above a whisper because he thinks he's dreaming, and he's afraid any loud noise will wake him up when he wants to hold on to that beautiful fantasy.

Her expression turns from concern to confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"

And suddenly, it's like he's alive again, like the world put an end to the cruel joke it was playing on him, like everything has fallen back into place because she knows who he is.

"You don't remember when you first woke up?" he settles on saying when he's contained his joy.  
"I just remember the doctor telling me that I had been in a medically induced coma, and then I tuned out because my head felt like it was going to explode. Wait, did I do something? Oh God, I did something, didn't I? Please don't tell me I embarrassed myself."

He laughs and shakes his head because she's adorable when she's like that. "You didn't do anything embarrassing, don't worry. I guess your mind was still a little foggy from the drugs, so you weren't focusing on anything. But everything's good now. Everything's great." He's silent for a while, and she's just leaning her head against her propped up pillow, her eyes lazily focused on him.

"I'm sorry," he finally says. "You, being here, getting shot... it was all my fault." He refuses to look her in the eyes until she practically screams his name.

"Barry Allen," she speaks with a calm yet stern voice. "I am in no mood to listen to your guilt trip. So I will only say this once, and if, forever reason, you say something that necessitates me repeating the following, I will get Oliver to shoot you with arrows again. I consciously and deliberately made the choice to go on that mission. It wasn't your fault that that asshole randomly fired that gun. So it is not your fault that I'm here right now. Capiche? Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. I make my own decisions. True, they don't always end up in my favor, but I've never regretted any of them. And I sure as hell don't regret this one."

He wants to argue, but the conviction with which she spoke convinces him otherwise. He then remembers how, while seeing her unconscious, he didn't understand his feelings for her. But when she woke up, looked at him and said his name, he knew exactly what he felt towards her. He was in love with her.

He's in love with her, and he hopes she feels the same way about him.

So he walks towards her bed and closes the gap between them, then his face gets closer to hers and closes the gap between them. Well, almost, because he wants to be sure that she won't hate him for it. And when she doesn't jerk away, he completely closes the gap as his lips meet hers, slowly and gently. Her hand comes up to cup his cheek while she drapes her other arm around his neck and pulls him closer. When they pull away, neither have seen the other smile brighter than they do now.

And when Cisco clears his throat in the doorway then proceeds to tell them "took you long enough", they just ignore him.

 **A/N: This is probably not why patients are put in medically induced comas, but for the sake of the story, just go with it. My apologies to people who have studied medicine.**


	2. When She's Teasing You

"Please?" he asked.  
"No."  
"Pretty please?"  
"Nope."  
" _Pretty_ pretty please?" This was getting ridiculous.  
"The answer is still no."  
"Oh come on Cait!"  
"See, selflessness isn't always rewarding."

He let out a huff. So this was what he got for being a gentleman and giving Caitlin his jacket although he only had a thin shirt underneath it, and she already had three or four layers of clothing.

"Come on," he said, trying one more time to persuade her. "I gave you my jacket because you were cold. Now I'm freezing. I'm not chilly, I'm not cold, I can actually feel my insides freezing and all I'm asking is for you to give me my jacket back." At her impassive face, he went on, "Would begging help my case?"

"Well," she said playfully, "getting on your knees is certainly a sight I'd like to see."

With a sigh, he dropped dramatically to his knees in front of her and held her hand between his. He heard someone gasp on the table beside them before he realized that he looked like he was proposing to her. The thought of him and Caitlin being married made him smile a bit, but he quickly dropped her hand and joined his own as if he were praying. "Caitlin Snow," he said with his best puppy dog eyes, "would your amazing charitable heart feel pity for the cold defenseless man soliciting your kindness and warmth?"

"That was so sweet," she said. "But no."

"You said you'd give it back to me!" he exclaimed, his eyes widening.

Her expression became amused. "I just said I'd like to see you beg."

"Well you implied it."

"Oh Barry... I thought you were a scientist. You should know the difference between implying and the truth."

Alright. OK. If this was the game she was playing, he was more than ready to join her. To beat her. He stood up and leaned closely to her. The sudden closeness made her uncomfortable, and she unnoticeably slipped a little on her chair. But to Barry, it was quite noticeable. He was already winning without breaking a sweat.

"What are you doing?" Her voice slightly wavered, and Barry took that as another sign of approaching victory.

"Since you're not going to give me back my jacket, I'm gonna get as close to you as I can to maximize my heat gain," he stated simply. "See, I _am_ a scientist."

That's when she realized that she wasn't playing alone anymore. He'd caught on quite quickly, and that was when the fun began.  
The Flash needs her body heat? Yeah right. At the speed his body works, her corporal heat compared to his would be like a second for an immortal.

Now she could see how long the round would last. She held his hands in hers and stood up too before bringing her face mere inches away from his. "Is this better?" she asked, and when her hot breath tickled his cheeks and he flushed, she couldn't help the smirk that spread on her lips.

"I want to kiss you so badly right now," he said, and she was taken aback by what he'd just said because Barry Allen was never, ever so forward with his emotions. But a part of her brain - the logical one, the one that didn't let her do stupid things - lost its authority, and instincts kicked in, primal and never before manifested, and she grabbed his face and pulled it to hers and kissed him a hard, passionate, lustful kiss and God, it felt wrong and oh so right at the same time, and she couldn't stop - didn't want to - until she physically had to because her lungs ached for air.

They had both lost the game, but it didn't really matter. They'd gained something much, much better. Besides, neither of them needed a jacket anymore; the small make-out session heated thing up enough.

When they got back to her car, something navy on her white backseats caught Barry's eye. He pulled it to his lap and looked at Caitlin in disbelief. "I thought you didn't have a jacket," he said, waving the S.T.A.R. Labs piece of clothing in front of her face.

She glanced at it before nonchalantly stating, "That's a hoodie." She then pulled out of the café's parking lot, completely ignoring the look on his face and suppressing a laugh.

A few minutes before she reached his house (he couldv'e reached it _way_ faster if he'd just run, but he liked to spend as much time as he possibly could with Caitlin), she spoke again, "I just like your clothes better. They're warmer, and they smell like you." She offered him a shy smile, and he wanted to kiss her right then and there. (But he didn't want to get them killed in a car crash.)

"What do I smell like?" he asked.

"Like a safe haven," she replied, and he kissed her right then and there. (Luckily, conveniently, they were at a red light.)


	3. When It's Your First Date

He'd said it.

He'd actually said it. "How about we go on our first date? A real first date."

Because with all the "I want to kill the Flash" metahumans and the "I want to destroy Central City" metahumans, there really wasn't much time for simple things like romance. Not that romance was uncomplicated. It was far from it, actually. But for some reason, there was something natural and easy about them being together. So she'd just nodded slowly, a small smile spreading across her face. Then he'd added, "I'll pick you up at around 7."

Caitlin had a plan. Simple, organized, detailed, with minute by minute steps:

4:00: Pick a dress for the date.

4:30: Go to the gym across her apartment.

5:40: Shower.

6:15: Get dressed.

6:30: Put on make up.

7:00: Be ready.

So when her phone rang at 6:07, and her caller ID showed Barry (with a heart next to his name, cliché, she knows that), her plans began to go to hell.

"Hi," she answered, shutting the water off.

"Hey," he said sheepishly. "So... I just realized that I have no idea where you live exactly now that you've moved."

She shook her head and couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. Dammit, how did he make her smile so much with such little things? She gave him directions to her new place, and when she finished, he said, "Alright. Be there soon," before hanging up.

Then panic began to set in for Caitlin. He was almost an hour early, and there she was, still covered in soap and shampoo.

She must have set a new record because in less than three minutes, she was out of the bathroom completely free of water except for her hair. She dried it after hastily putting on the dress she'd chosen.

 _Knock knock knock._

Oh God, no. Not now. She glanced at the clock. 6:20.

She grabbed the front door's knob and noticed it was slippery. Then she realized why: her hand was sweating. Why was she sweating anyway? She didn't have a reason to be nervous. It was just Barry. Just a regular date. Just her first date with Barry.  
Oh God she was going on her _first date_ with _Barry._ It was actually happening. Right now. Oh right, he was on the other side of that door.

She swung the door open and greeted him with, "You know, for a man who's always late, you're extremely early."

He chuckled and shut the door behind him. "You know, for a woman who's always extremely early, you're late," he said, noticing her bare feet and unorganized hair.

"Again, being at S.T.A.R. Labs before any of you get there doesn't mean I'm extremely early, it just means you're all extremely lazy." At that, he laughed wholeheartedly. "Well, I still need to put on make up and..."

"No," he interrupted.

"What? What do you mean by 'no'?" She asked, baffled.

"No make up. You don't need it. Like, at all."

She smiled at him warmly. There he goes again, making her smile like an idiot. "Fine, but I have to do my hair."

"Nope."

"And what's your argument this time?" She asked, sitting on her bed.

"You don't need to fancy up. Just pull it in a bun," he shrugged casually.

"Well my buns suck," she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I can do it for you." Her eyebrows went even higher. At that, he elaborated, "Iris insisted I should learn. She said it will come in handy, especially when girls need to tie their hair when they get drunk but can't do it themselves."

"You didn't tie my hair when I got drunk."

"That's because you didn't have a hair-tie. And I don't exactly walk around with hair ties in my pocket."

"But you carry a handkerchief," she objected teasingly.

"Would you just let me do the damn bun?"

He grabbed a hair-tie from her night stand, sat on the bed next to her and started to gently pull her hair away from her face.

"So did you practice on Iris's hair?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, but she made me practice on dolls first."

She laughed boisterously at that, and he was glad to see her so relaxed. It had been a while since she had been so care-free.

"Done!" he exclaimed, and she walked to her mirror admiring his work. "Not bad, Mr. Allen. Maybe you should give up that whole superhero business and open a hair salon," she joked.

"A hair salon just for buns?" He asked.

"Good point," she admitted. Then she turned to him, "So no make up and no fancy hair-styling. Can I at least put my heels on or should I just go barefoot?"

"Oh, no, put them on. I'm not carrying you if you decide the ground is too dirty," he joked.

"Such a gentleman," she retorted, strapping her heels on.

"Everything for you, my dear."

She patted him twice on the cheek, motioning for him to follow her as she grabbed her keys and put them in her clutch. Once they were both out of her apartment, she asked, "So where to?"

He shook his head. "It's a surprise."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her outside the building where Joe's car was parked.  
"No superhuman speed?" she asked.

"The car is not just for transportation," he said, winking at her.

She didn't try to inquire; she knew he wouldn't tell her anyway and would relish teasing her.

The ride to wherever they were going was a comfortable silence and took them outside Central City. When he glanced at her, the setting sun threw beautiful highlights to her brown hair, and he couldn't help but grow even fonder of the woman next to him. He pulled to a stop on a hill top, right when the moon came out, and said, "Close your eyes and promise me you won't look until I tell you to."

She just nodded and closed her eyes as he got out of the car. A few moments later, when he told her to, she opened them to dozens of fairy lights hanging above a blanket on which was a basket. The lights' ends were tied to trees and were powered by the car's battery. The light breeze was refreshing, and it moved the grass so that it tickled her feet as she walked among it.

Caitlin approached the blanket where Barry was sitting and joined him. From there, all of Central City was visible, where moving car lights as well as still apartment and street lamps joined the fairy lights' glow. "This is beautiful," she said mesmerized by the view. She couldn't take her eyes off of it, and she couldn't believe that Barry went through all of this trouble just for her.

He was staring at her looking at the city when she turned back to him. The contents of the basket had been emptied out on the blanket with all sorts of food. " _You're_ beautiful," he said, and she blushed, not because of what he'd said - she'd heard that sentence plenty of times before - but because of the childlike sincerity with which he spoke.

"Oh shit, I forgot to bring you flowers," he blurted out, and before she could tell him that it was O.K., that this was so much better than flowers, he had supersped through the field of daisies nearby and was back by her side, offering her the flowers. Another smile crept up her face, and she thought that if he kept making her smile like that, she was going to wake up with facial cramps the next day.

They started eating, and really, with food around, there was no room for talking. When they finished, Barry cleaned everything in a second and turned off the fairy lights. They lay on their backs, looking at the stars. He pointed out a few constellations, admitting he'd learned them just a day prior to impress her.

They ended up talking about everything and nothing, about their first jobs and how the stars work, about their dreams and their favourite T.V. shows, about broken hearts and celebrity crushes - which awfully reminded Barry of Iris's three list -, and about their idea of afterlife and who would beat the other at Mario Kart.

"You know which star shines the brightest?" he then asked. When she whispered a 'no', he turned on his side to look at her. "You," he simply said.

She laughed. "That is so cheesy."

"You know it's true."

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"Oh I just remembered the name of that constellation I was telling you about. It's the..."

She interrupted him. "Just kiss me."

So he did.

The rest of their evening wasn't spent stargazing. He spent it gazing at her, laying on her side and resting against his chest. So maybe he was stargazing after all.


	4. When It's Too Late

**A/N: Barry and Caitlin aren't a couple in this one-shot.**

* * *

"Yo Cisco!" Barry said entering the cortex. "Do you have a way to stop that metahuman?"

"Better," replied the young engineer. "I have a name for him. 'Tremors'."

Barry just sighed. He knew better than to underestimate the importance of naming a metahuman to Cisco. "And to stop him, we need to..." he started, encouraging Cisco to focus. He caught Caitlin's smile from the corner of his eye.

"Oh easy. I built two devices. They're really awesome guns, by the way. They each emit vibrations that will oppose Tremors's... well, tremors. What we have to do is corner him, one device on each side of him, and that will stop his powers. Then you'll go in and knock him out - we'll stop the guns, of course - and you bring him to the metahuman prison."

"Great plan," said Barry. "Just one question: does the 'we' in your plan reference to Caitlin and yourself?"

"Yup." Cisco was clearly proud of himself.

"Then we're absolutely NOT going to go with the plan."

"WHAT?! Why not?"

"It's too dangerous Cisco."

"No it's not. What can possibly go wrong?"

"That's exactly what people say before everything goes wrong. Tremors could hit you with vibes, for one," Barry tried to get Cisco to see the faults in the plan, but the young man was having none of it. "OK man. One, **I** vibe, he sends tremors. Two, he will never know that we're working with the Flash. He won't attack us. He's never killed someone with his powers unless he's deemed them as a threat. He's just been sending tremors to scare people. And three, do you have a better plan?"

Barry just sighed, shaking his head, and then Caitlin's hand was on his shoulder and her voice reached his ears. Gentle. Always so gentle. "He's right, you know. It's a good plan, and we don't have time to come up with one that's better. Tremors is out there, ready to give this city the final blow, and we need to stop him. "

"I just..." Another sigh. "I just don't want to lose you," he said looking at her. Then he quickly added, "...guys. I don't want to lose you guys." He shot a quick glance at Cisco to see if he had noticed the mistake. It was clear that he did. But he didn't say anything, just smirked.

"Barry, we'll be fine," Caitlin reassured him. "But we need to do this now."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but..." He took a deep breath, "Cisco, get the guns."

* * *

"Is everyone in position?" Barry asked through his comms.

"Yup," came Cisco's reply, followed by Caitlin's "All set."

"Alright. One metahuman coming right up."

Barry made his appearance known to Tremors by walking out of the shadows of a building. The red suit sparkling with electricity drew the metahuman's attention from the citizens to their hero. "This city is mine," yelled Tremors.

"Yeah, yeah," the Flash spoke aloud. "That's what they all say," he said to himself. He then started running away from their 'villain of the week', fast enough to stay ahead of him and avoid his pulses, yet slow enough for him to stay on his trail.

"Guys, ETA is 10 seconds," Barry informed his friends.

"Copy that," Cisco replied. "And did you learn 'ETA' just for this op?"

Caitlin let out a chuckle, "You two need to stop watching spy movies."

Barry's voice came again, "3...2...1..."

A gust of wind passed the two scientists, and suddenly, Tremors was between them. They both aimed their guns at him, but before they could fire, they were hit in the chest by an invisible force. For a few seconds, they were suspended in the air, weightless as time seemed to stop. As they landed, Cisco on a car and Caitlin on the floor after hitting a wall, they realized the gravity of their mistake: they'd underestimated Tremors's perceptiveness. He'd realized that they were the enemies, what with the guns and the secluded location.

The comms came alive with Barry's panicked voice, "Cisco! Are you OK?"

The man in question grunted, "I'll live."

That's all it took for him to rush to Caitlin's side. But before he could say anything, she told him, "Go! I'll be fine. Get than son of a bitch."

So he did. He picked up her fallen gun and went to confront Tremors. The latter smirked when he saw him. "Did you honestly think I was that stupid? That I wouldn't realize I was walking into a trap? Please! I can suddenly keep up with the fastest man alive. That has 'trap' written all over it. Besides, I recognized that woman. She's the one you outed yourself for when she was kidnapped by those dudes with the fire and ice guns." He tilted his head to the side, "I'd recognize those eyes anywhere."

Barry had had it with this guy. He set the gun to its maximum power and blasted the metahuman with it, who, caught off guard, didn't counter its effect and landed a few meters away. Then Barry hit him again, and again, and again, for Cisco, for Caitlin, for everyone he hurt in Central City. Joe's voice came out of nowhere, pulling him from his angry, clouded thoughts. He looked up from Tremors to see the CCPD scattered around them, some keeping citizens at a safe distance, others watching the scene unfold. Confident in his adoptive father's ability to handle the situation from there, Barry gave him the gun and went back to Caitlin.

He didn't expect her to look like this. She shouldn't be lying on the ground. Her breathing shouldn't be ragged. She shouldn't be clutching the front of her shirt.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." His tone left no room for arguing.

She gave him a barely perceptible shake of her head. "I don't have that kind of time. I just... Let me spend what - what I have left with you. Please."

He opened his mouth to object, but nothing came out. This couldn't be happening.

"It's O..OK..." She turned her head to the side, coughing and wheezing, before looking back at him. He seemed so devastatingly sad and so terribly scared that she almost wanted to hang on for him. But she was a doctor after all, and she knew the odds weren't in her favour. "You're gonna be O...O...Kay."

It was like she was choking on a lie every time she said 'OK'. Because there was no way he was going to be OK after this. He was never going to be OK without her.

He was in love with her. He was sure of it now. He'd just found her, he couldn't be losing her already.

"Can you - can you sing to me?" Her voice was lower than a whisper. He didn't know how he heard it, with all the panicked yelling and the sirens blaring in the background. But that was exactly what they were: background noises, sounds with no importance. He had ears for her, and her only. He always had.

He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell her that things will turn out fine. That she was going to make it through. Because maybe if he didn't do what she wanted him to, she would stick around until he did. Maybe denying her dying wish meant that she wasn't dying. But he knew better, and he never could deny her a request anyway. So he sang, softly, putting his forehead to hers and stroking her cheeks.

 _"I built a home, for you, for me... Until it disappeared, from me, from you..."_

Suddenly, he didn't feel her hot breath on his face anymore. He pulled away to look at her. But her eyes were glazed over. "No, come on, don't disappear on me." Yet she didn't budge.

"No. No no no no no no no. Come on, Cait. Please. Come on, please stay. Just stay. Come on Cait, come on. Don't do this, Cait. Stay with me, keep your eyes on me, I'm here, I'm right here. Don't you dare leave me. I need you. Please Cait, I need you. I can't do this without you. Please, please, I'm begging you, please."  
He shook her. He shook her with all the desperation and anguish that escaped his control.

She didn't move.

"NO!" he cried out, clutching her body, lifting it to meet his, because he wasn't letting her go. He couldn't.

At some point, Cisco's voice came through Barry's earpiece, cool and collected. Or maybe Cisco was next to him. He wasn't sure, and he honestly didn't care. But the message was clear: he had to stop holding on.

He lifted his head enough to see her face, and, for the last time, he brought his lips to hers. They'd never been so chilly, but he didn't mind. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her ear. "I'm so sorry." Reluctantly, he lowered her body to the ground and stood up. "Goodbye Caitlin."

* * *

Cisco repeated the medical examiner's words numbly. "The trauma to her chest punctured her lung. Through that hole, air escaped thus putting pressure on the lungs and preventing them from expanding like they should. So oxygen diminished progressively until she eventually lacked it. She basically asphyxiated because of a collapsed lung."

Barry nodded, his mouth tight. "Could she have been saved?"

Cisco nodded. "If she'd gotten to a hospital in time, they could've drained the air from her chest so her lungs could re-expand, and they could've given her oxygen if she'd needed it."

"THEN WHY THE HELL DIDN'T SHE LET ME SAVE HER?" Barry screamed, before swiping the desk's contents to the floor in one angry motion.

When Cisco spoke, his voice was calm though wavering, and Barry hated how Cisco was the voice of comfort in a time like this when he himself needed comfort. "It was either her or the whole city, Barry. She knew you wouldn't be able to make that choice so she made it for you."

"I could have saved them both," Barry said, sounding like a child confident in his ability to fly and ignoring the signs that he couldn't.

"No you couldn't." Cisco put his hand on his shoulder, and Barry remembered how the last physical contact he had with Caitlin before everything went to Hell was what Cisco had just done. But the young Hispanic didn't seem to notice Barry's sudden stiffness, or maybe he just ignored it, for he continued, "You had to stop Tremors first, or he would have wiped out half the city. When you were back by Caitlin's side, she had like half a minute left, and it was already too late because doctors wouldn't have had the time to do anything. So she got to spend her last moments with you, not on some gurney countless of people have bled in."

"I can't do this without her, Cisco," he choked out. This time, he sounded like a man who'd just lost everything. On second thought, he had lost everything because Caitlin was the only thing that mattered to him.  
"I want to say that I shouldn't have let her tag along, that this is all my fault, that I could have done something to help her, but I know that she'd tell me none of that is true. I just can't accept it."

"Hey," Cisco said softly, " If you accept it right away, then you're not the man Caitlin was in love with. Yes, she was in love with you," he asserted at Barry's agape mouth. "What she loved most about you was your compassion and your empathy. Trust me, I know. I had to spend hours listening to her gush about you. I have no idea how you two could not see that you had feelings for each other. Seriously, dude, it was so obvious even Oliver...I'm getting way off topic. If you move on so easily because you think she wouldn't want you to be sad, then you'd just be insensitive. Take your time to come to terms with her...passing, but don't dwell on it too much. Don't let it destroy you. Don't let it turn you into something you're not, something vengeful and ugly. Okay? She wouldn't want that."

But all Barry could register was that she loved him. That he never got much time with her, and it was absolutely unfair.

Though if life had taught him one thing, it was that you're bound to lose your loved ones. Sure, time makes it easier to bare, but not to forget. And he didn't want to forget the way her eyes darkened when she was angry, or the way her smile made her eyes disappear, or the way she'd bite her lower lip worriedly. He always wanted to remember how they'd team up to tease or prank Cisco, how she'd stare at his abs whenever he changed shirts, how her soft skin felt against his and how her hands would always linger longer than they should when she patched him up.

So day after day, he tried to move on. He really did. But some days, the pain of losing her would become too much, and he'd travel back in time to see her. He'd watch her from afar, careful not to disrupt the timeline - Harry had made it abundantly clear that if he tried to save her, something worse than her death could happen to Caitlin. He'd wait to see the things he missed about her. He'd watch her at her happiest. He'd revisit the moment they met and notice the small details he was too busy to see like the relief etched on her face when he finally woke up from the coma. Most of the time, he'd go back to that night they sang karaoke just to see her carefree and remind himself that along with all the bad, came some good. But there was one moment, one moment he couldn't bring himself to visit. Until Cisco practically made him do it, saying that he deserved to know.

So Barry ran, ran until he found himself in the cortex, a couple of days before the "incident". That's what they were calling it because there was no way he was going to refer to it as the "death". He hid in the adjacent room, just as Cisco and Caitlin walked in. They were already deep in conversation.

 _Caitlin was gesticulating, barely sparing Cisco's face from a hit. "He can't keep doing it, Cisco. He can't just continue to protect everyone when he doesn't try to protect himself."_

 _Cisco sighed. "Well why don't you tel **him** that instead of repeating it to me for the gazillion time?"_

 _Caitlin's voice dropped in volume, defeated, "You know Barry won't care if I'm the one telling him that. I'm just his 'personal physician'," she air-quoted. "His friend, at best."_

 _"I think you're more than that to him. But I know you, so I know you won't believe this. I also know that he's more than a friend to you."_

 _Caitlin's eyes refused to meet Cisco's. "I think I love him." It was shy and furtive, nothing like the usual Caitlin._

 _"Then show him," Cisco encouraged._

 _"He'll never know that I feel that way. He's never been good at reading people. And me? I'd never tell him."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because I don't have the courage to do it. Because I'm afraid it'll ruin our friendship."_

 _There was a silence during which Cisco stared pensively at his friend. Then he shook his head as he spoke, "Nah. That's not it, is it? I mean there's a bit of truth in that, but it's not entirely it."_

 _Caitlin looked taken aback._ Barry, watching intently, was taken aback too. Cisco was never the type to notice what people's facial expressions meant, let alone what they were hiding. He'd usually just babble on, oblivious to tensions in rooms and unsaid words.

 _Caitlin found her tongue again, and faltered defeatedly, "I just... I don't..." She sighed, and the words finally came out, "I can't take the pain of rejection. Not from him."_

 _Cisco's features softened in compassion, manifesting a small smile. "I'm gonna say it once again. You're not just a friend to him. Would you please, for all our sake, just tell him how you feel? Then I can utter these beautiful words: 'I told you so'."_

 _"Maybe."_

 _"Maybe? What's that supposed to mean?" Cisco raised an eyebrow._

 _"It means that it's not the right time," she replied._

 _"Well if I left it up to you to find a right time, we'd have to wait till a meteorite threatened to extinguish the human race," he quipped._

 _"Cisco..." she drawled, as if explaining to a small child, "There's a metahuman creating earthquakes, so Barry's mind isn't exactly awaiting a love confession."_

 _"There's always going to be a new 'villain of the week'. Just squeeze a proclamation of love in between metahumans. Tell him after we catch this guy," he urged._

 _"After we catch him," she consented._

 _Cisco grinned his content before excusing himself to tinker with his new weapons that were going to 'blast this sucker so far, so fast that the USS Enterprise wouldn't be able to catch up to him.' Caitlin had no idea what he meant._

 _"After we catch this guy," she repeated again, taking a deep breath. "I love you, Barry Allen," she muttered to herself, tasting the words on her lips. She smiled. "That didn't sound so bad."_

"It sounded perfect," Barry thought. "I love you too, Caitlin Snow." He smiled. "I love you so much."

* * *

 **A/N: So I'm sorry this took so long. This chapter was hard to write; add to that the fact that life got in the way. I am not sorry however about the content. I had this in mind since before I wrote chapter 3. But LittleMermaid1990 left a review about how this fic is like Snowbarry the Rom Com, and I felt bad as I wrote this chapter to shatter that conception.**

 **And I know that this whole story is about the kisses between Barry and Caitlin, and that the kiss happened halfway throughout the chapter, but this just kept getting longer and longer until I lost all control.**


	5. When You're Partners in Crime

**I'm not really proud of this one, but... ehh.**

 **Man, the writers are just killing Snowbarry, aren't they?**

* * *

"Absolutely not!" Cisco shouted.

"Well, I'm with Cisco on this one. You can't do that," Barry said, crossing his arms and moving to stand next to his friend.

The latter pointed his finger at Caitlin. "HA!"

"Yes, I can!" she replied, furious. "I can put crackers in a cheese sandwich, there's nothing gross about that!"

"Are you kidding me? I could roam the multiverse without finding something worse!" Barry argued.

"Well I can find something worse." She paused for dramatic effect. "Chicken and Nutella with ice cream and mustard on the side."

Cisco gasped, "How dare you utter such foul and grotesque locutions while you reference my favourite meal?"

It took Barry a couple of seconds to grasp what the engineer had said - for the fastest man alive, he didn't get things quickly - but when he did, he shot him an apologetic look, "I have to side with Caitlin on this one, man. Sorry but that's way more disgusting than a cheese sandwich with crackers."

"That's because a cheese sandwich with crackers is _not_ disgusting! And would you stop switching sides?" Caitlin said, smacking him lightly on the back of the head.

"Yeah, seriously dude, just choose one," Cisco agreed.

"Well..." Barry hesitated.

"Seriously? This should be a no-brainer. I'm your girlfriend!" She smacked him again, this time harder.

"Oh, pish posh! Everyone knows you should side with your best friend! Bros before hoes!" Cisco raised his hand, obviously expecting a high five.

"Did you just call me a hoe?!" Caitlin exclaimed, and at the look she gave him, daring him to repeat himself, he immediately lowered his hand.

"Yeah, did you just call my girlfriend a hoe?" But before Cisco could whimper and try to talk himself out of the mess he'd created, Barry turned towards Caitlin with a goofy smile on his face. "Ehe, 'girlfriend'. I love calling you that."

Caitlin smiled softly at her boyfriend's five year old like antics. She pulled him to her, but Cisco's voice interrupted her from making Barry very, _very_ weak in the knees. "Oh for the love of God! How many times do I have to tell you two to get a room?"

That was just another day at S.T.A.R. Labs. Until it wasn't.

When Caitlin pulled away from Barry, she faltered, but his hands steadied her before she could fall.

"I don't..." Her voice came out as a whisper, so she tried again, and it was scarcely higher, "I don't feel so good." She suddenly fell forward, but this time, Cisco was the one who caught her and lowered her gently in a chair nearby. He didn't have the time to process what'd just happened because Barry was suddenly all over the place, freaking out.

"She told me she's been having terrible headaches, but we both dismissed it as stress, and oh God what if it's serious? What if it's life-threatening? What if we could have prevented it? What do we do now? She's the doctor, not us. Is she OK? Do you..."

"BARRY!" Cisco shut him up. "Let me think." Though he was trying to take charge, he was becoming more panic-stricken by the second.

"Would you just check her pulse?" Barry said after a few seconds, interrupting his train of thoughts.

"I don't know how to check a pulse!"he objected.

"Then just put your ear to her chest and listen to her heartbeat."

"Well why don't _you_ do it?"

"Cisco!"

"Fine!"

He took a hesitant step towards Caitlin, then looked at Barry, who gestured for him to go for it, before turning his attention to his motionless friend. 'That's an awful feeling, to see someone you love in this state. How does she do it all the time?' he thought.

He carefully bent down and placed his ear on her chest. All of a sudden, arms grabbed him and pulled him down as an inhuman shout of "Blaaagh" resonated in his ear. He screamed and jumped back, putting a hand over his wildly beating heart before tripping on the leg of a table and landing on his butt.

A burst of laughter in the cortex followed by one near him and it hits him. He went from alarmed and startled to angry and vexed. "You two," he motioned between Caitlin and Barry as he stood up, "not cool."

"You gotta give Barry some credit, though," Caitlin said as she made herself comfortable in the chair. "He played the role of the concerned boyfriend extremely well."

"A skill I got from watching you be a concerned girlfriend all the time."

"Don't you snicker because of the word 'girlfriend' again..." Cisco said, annoyed.

"Come on, you've got to admit it was a good prank. I mean Caitlin pretending to faint, and then scaring the bejesus out of you when you got too close. I'm just glad we have security cameras in the lab so we can watch the scene unfold on replay."

"Mark my words, Snowbarry. There will come a day where I will orchestrate my revenge, and my wrath shall befall you."

Caitlin lifted an eyebrow. "Quite dramatic, don't you think, Mr. Allen?"

Barry came behind her chair. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders before leaning in. "Extremely, Dr. Snow," he replied. Cisco just groaned.

"Snowbarry for the win," she said as they high-fived.

"We're adopting that ship name?" he asked.

"We're adopting that ship name," she confirmed.

"Great," muttered Cisco, "I just gave them another way to annoy us."

"I think what I'm about to do annoys you a lot more," Barry said, and he kissed Caitlin, and they made noises, and they laughed when Cisco ran out of the cortex covering his ears.


	6. When She Says She Loves You

Chaos. That's all Iris could register. Screaming; people running around frantically; things moving so fast her vision blurred. And above everything else, Caitlin's shouts.

Then suddenly, someone was holding her by the shoulders asking her something about a cake. So she pointed towards the table in the middle of the room and made her way to Caitlin.

"This is crazy," she said.

"Tell me about it. Those ornaments with that tabletop?" Caitlin replied.

Iris chuckled. "I mean it's crazy what you're doing."

"What's so crazy about wanting to throw Barry a surprise birthday party?" she asked, her eyes searching the room for someone.

"Throwing Barry a surprise birthday party? Nothing. The amount of panic it has caused... batshit."

Caitlin turned her attention to her friend. "I know I'm going a bit overboard..."

"A bit?" Iris interrupted, raising a teasing eyebrow.

"But..." she continued, returning a smile, "I just want everything to be perfect, I want him to have the best birthday ever. I know that's probably what people say every year, but, you know, I just..."

"I understand," Iris said, relieving her from an unnecessary explanation. When you loved someone that much, you wanted to offer them the world. You wanted them to have the best of everything, shield them from the worst. And a birthday party should fall nothing short of magnificent.

Caitlin excused herself, apparently finding the person she was looking for, so Iris went back to trying to keep people from having panic driven breakdowns.

* * *

The moment was near. In a few minutes, Barry was going to walk through the doors of the small house Iris's friend let her use for the occasion. It had a swimming pool on the outside, and that's where all the decorations had been set up. Tables enough for the people there, fairy lights hanging everywhere, champagne ready to be dramatically opened and a big cake, in the shape of a lightning bolt, in the middle of the backyard. (One of Barry's CCPD co-workers had asked why that particular figure and Cisco had chimed in, with a huge grin on his face, saying that the birthday boy was the Flash's biggest fan and that he knew every single thing about the superhero.)

When Barry was ushered inside the house by Iris to "give her friend advice on what to get her boyfriend for his birthday" - Iris honestly couldn't believe that Barry had fallen for that, but then again, he always trusted her blindly - the lights in the backyard were suddenly turned on as shouts of "Happy birthday" echoed all around. Someone popped the champagne open, and glasses filled with it were passed around.

A grin made its way on Barry's lips as he went out to hug everyone there absentmindedly. They all said something to him, probably along the lines of 'Happy Birthday', but he wasn't really listening. All he was focused on was making his way towards one particular person.

"Hey beautiful," he said when he reached her, and he clinked his glass with hers. "You didn't have to do all this."

"True, but I wanted to." She smiled softly. "You deserve it. And you deserve so much more."

He looked down, blushing and smiling like a little kid. "Thank you," he told her. He didn't need to say anything more. His eyes conveyed sincerity, and she understood from his tone that it meant a lot to him.

Her smile broadened. "Anytime."

"Well, a surprise birthday party anytime sort of defeats the purpose," he shrugged.

She sighed. "You just _had_ to ruin the moment."

"But you still love me," he said smugly.

"No, I don't," she stated, and with that, she turned her back to him, and pretended to be extremely interested in the plant next to her, acting as a kid he wished he could have with her some day.

"Cait..." There was a hint of mischief in his carefully elongated syllables. "Say that you love me..."

"I do not, and I will not," she refused, oblivious to him putting down his glass of champagne on the grass a few steps away.

"Last chance," he warned.

"No, I... BARRY!" she screamed as he suddenly picked her up and held her dangerously close to the pool. "Put me down. Put me down now! Barry!"

"Tell me that you love me or I'll drop you in the water," he continued.

"The glass, it's about to fall, Barry!"

"It's a pretty easy choice, really," he continued, ignoring her weak excuse. "Don't you think, Iris?" he turned to his best friend who had gotten closer with a few other guests and was watching their interaction, bemused. Caitlin basically shoved the champagne glass she was carrying in Iris's direction in order not to drop it.

"This is expensive crystal, Barry," Iris mock reproached, taking the glass and ignoring his rhetorical question.

"Barry Allen, if I go down, I'm taking you with me," Caitlin threatened.

"Trust me, you won't be able to," he smirked then addressed the surrounding people. "I'm afraid our time is up, ladies and gentlemen. Let us all bid our farewells to Dr. Snow." One of his arms let go of her, and she squealed, holding onto him tighter.

"Oh.. Oh God, alright, OK, I love you! I love you! Oh, shit. I LOVE HIM!" she shouted to the people in the backyard. "I FREAKING LOVE HIM!" He grinned. "Happy now?"

"I think I should still drop you, for good measure."

"Barry Allen don't you dare."

He laughed, and when he finally put her down, panicked shrieks dialed down to heavy breathing and ended with a slap on the shoulder, but she didn't release her grip on him. Instead, she brought him closer to her and leaned her forehead against his. "I love you," she whispered. "I honestly love you so much."

And God did he love her too. He loved her more than he had ever loved anything, and he wished he could ignore the world forever and just focus on her. But he didn't tell her any of this. Instead he carried her by the waist, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his torso. She towered a few inches over him, but he didn't mind.

And then eagerly, giddily, he reached up and kissed her. Her hands cupped his cheeks, ran through his hair, finally settled on his neck. When they pulled apart, his eyes were glinting with something Caitlin recognized as euphoria. Maybe she had the same look.

She definitely had the same look.

Without breaking eye contact with her, Barry shouted to the crowd, "You all heard the high pitched declarations of love. She loves me, people! She loves me!"

Claps and whistles emanated from all around, but all he could hear was his heart, beating wildly from overwhelming joy.


	7. When She's Drunk

Whenever she called, he'd pick up.

She'd sometimes call at three in the morning, mostly after missions that had nearly ended his life, and when he'd answer his phone, she'd chide him for staying up that late. He never told her that he would always be asleep when she reached out, but had a special ringtone for her that would jolt him awake and get him to pray that nothing had happened to her. Because he'd forgo the world, everybody else be damned, if it meant comforting her.

She'd usually just stay silent when he'd pick up, and he'd learned over time that it meant she just needed to listen to him breathing to fall back asleep. Sometimes, she'd mutter a barely audible "Thank God" before that. A couple of times, he had needed to go over to her house because she'd break down crying hysterically, and she'd break his heart along the way.

But this time, when he answered his phone around 3:30 A.M., there was no heavy breathing or panicked crying on the other line, but a deep voice, barely prevailing over loud music.

"Barry Allen?" it asked, and Barry's heart dropped faster than he ran down a building. He let out a constrained "yeah", and the man on the other line continued, "I have a Caitlin Sto here... What?" and it was obvious that the last part wasn't addressed to Barry. The voice came back a moment later, "Sorry, a Dr. Caitlin Snow. I believe she's had one too many drinks, and she said you could pick her up. She also slurred, and I quote, "he's very, very, very, Barry, bvery fast" which is great because we close in about half an hour. Can you make it by then? Club Apotheosis."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm in the neighbourhood," Barry lied. "I'll be there in five minutes."

"Alright," the man said then hung up.

Barry got dressed at super speed and ran downtown towards the bar. The neon lights flashing a block ahead of him got him to slow down to normal human pace. A couple of minutes later, he was surrounded by bodies grinding against each other, and the narrowness of the club obliged him to push people apart to pass through. As the smell of alcohol invaded his nostrils, he recognized, even with the too loud music, the unmistakable laugh of his doctor.

He made his way towards the bar where Caitlin had now switched to arguing with the bartender who was refusing to give her another drink. "Good man," he thought.

"Barry!" Caitlin exclaimed when she saw him. "Did you come for a drink? They make the best, and I mean _the best,_ margaritas."

"She should know," the bartender chimed in. "She's had three of them."

"And he won't give me a fourth," she pouted.

"I'm sure it's for a good reason," Barry said, giving her a pointed look.

"Yeah," the bartender continued, "it's because she also had beforehand two tequila shots, a mojito..."

"Without ice," she put in.

"Without ice," he acknowledged , "and a martini and then started throwing weird long medical terms around."

"Hey! Sternutation is a very common word."

"Sure it is," the bartender said sarcastically. "You Barry?" he then asked.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I'll take her home."

"What? No!" Caitlin objected. "The night's still young."

"We're closing in half an hour," the bartender said, raising an eyebrow.

"OK, so maybe the night progressed into adulthood," she corrected herself, "but that doesn't mean I should leave."

"Tell you what," Barry acted as a middleman. "If you can walk from the beginning of the counter till its end without leaning on it, I'll let you stay until they close."

"Easy," she scoffed.

She made for one end of the bar but never made it there. She stumbled after two steps, and Barry, who had been following her closely, immediately caught her.

"I think I should go home," she said before patting Barry on the cheek. "Have fun here, but I think they're closing in like half an hour."

He chuckled. "Both of your 'I think' are correct. Sit down for a minute then I'll take you home." He turned to the bartender and took care of her bill then thanked him for calling him.

"No problem, man," he replied. "She seems like a good person going through some tough shit, and when I asked her who I should call, she gave me her phone and your name. Plus if it were my girlfriend, I would have wanted someone to call me too."

"Oh... No, she's... she's not my girlfriend," Barry stammered.

"I don't know man. For her to think of you when her mind can't think straight, I think that says something about your relationship, be it romantic or platonic."

Barry looked down and smiled, something he found himself doing a lot recently when thinking of Caitlin, before letting out a soft 'yeah' and looking back at her, struggling to keep upright on her stool. "Alright, thanks again," he said and got Caitlin to stand up and lean on him. They made it a few steps before Barry turned back around to the man and told him, "By the way, sternutation means sneezing."

The bartender shook his head, smiling, and said, "You might be spending way too much time with her."

Barry chuckled and waved him goodbye, thinking that yeah, maybe he did spend too much time with her, but there was no other place he'd rather be. He glanced at Caitlin only to find her giving people the middle finger on the way out. Torn between laughing or apologizing to people, he quickened his step, pulling Caitlin along and didn't stop until he reached the outdoors. Caitlin didn't stop, period. She bumped into his back, and he immediately turned around to steady her before she had the chance to stumble. "Careful or you'll fall."

"I'm not gonna fall," she scoffed. "I've known how to walk since I was one. _One."_ He was about to object, tell her that walking and drinking don't go together, that really, drinking and anything else don't go together, but in typical Caitlin fashion, she wasn't done arguing yet. "Have you ever worn heels before? I have. Did you know that? Did you know that I could run in them? Watch," she said like an excited little girl showing off to her friends. Oddly enough, she made it three meters before stumbling, which was three meters more than Barry had expected. He stabilized her staggering form then held her hand and gently started pulling her along as he started to walk.

"Wait." She stopped and glanced around, though he wasn't sure if her mind actually registered what she saw. She grabbed his face with both of her hands and pulled him close. He could smell the faint fragrance of her gardenia perfume masked by the strong scent of whiskey and tequila on her breath. Guess the bartender forgot about that whiskey. She looked at him right in the eyes then whispered, "I see dead people."

He raised an eyebrow. "Alright Cole Sear, that's enough for tonight," he quipped with a hint of amusement, patting her on the shoulder. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" she asked. Her confusion was evident in the small crinkle above her eyebrow, something Barry found adorable.

"Home."

"Noooo!" She started shaking her body, with an occasional foot stomping here and there, like a kid who'd just been told they couldn't get any candy. "Let's go do karaoke."

"Remember the last time you sang karaoke drunk?" he questioned.

"Not really," she shook her head in a childlike manner, and he was afraid the movement would cause her to throw up.

"Anyway, all karaoke bars are closed at this hour. Come on, I'm taking you back to your apartment."

"Can you... Could we maybe go to your place instead?" The vulnerability in her tone took him off guard. But it was one of the reasons he really liked being with her at late hours, when she would be exhausted, with little control over what she says, and she'd let herself be an open book.

"M-My place? Why?"

"It's just that... I don't wanna be alone. My apartment is just big," she explained with exaggerated hand movements, "and... empty. And whenever I'm with you, nothing ever hurts me."

He wanted to disagree. Really, she was kidnapped by Zoom when he was with her, and that turned out to be the most scarring experience she'd ever been through. He hadn't even been able to save her, but she still trusted him. He wasn't going to let her down now or ever again. He swallowed the lump in his throat then was able to get out, "Yeah, yeah we can. Whatever you want."

He carried her in his arms, and she wrapped hers around his neck, holding on tight and burying her face in his chest. "Ready?" he asked, and received a mumble in response, which he took as an affirmative. He flashed them out of the cold street into the warmth of his apartment before he set her down. She stumbled, again, and he steadied her. Again. Man, how many times was she close to falling this night? Not that he minded balancing her, and in the process his hands touching her body and lingering there.

 _Not the time for that now, Barry,_ he told himself. _Focus on what she needs._

"You're hot!" She poked him in the chest with a finger, effectively getting his attention. "Has anyone ever told you that?

"You just did," he answered trying to ignore the little flutter of his heart at the fact that Caitlin Snow found him attractive, but she had already moved on, not bothering to wait for his answer.

"I wanna be a princess!"

He smiled a fond smile. "You are. You're a self-rescuing princess."

That's when she looked at him with big brown eyes, eyes that would melt the coldest of hearts, expectant eyes that would get anyone to go the end of the earth to grant her her desires. "Do you think I'm ever going to be happy?" She plopped down on his bed, beat, (when did she make it into his bedroom?) but it was the hopeless anguish in her voice that made him sigh. He sat down next to her, and she immediately leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Yes, I do," he fervently asserted. He took her hand in his and started playing with it absentmindedly. "Cait, you're such an amazing woman and you deserve so much. You deserve good things and happiness and love and I have no idea why the universe is so cruel as to let you experience so much loss and betrayal. You have been through so much, and sacrificed so many things, more than people normally do in their whole life, yet you're still standing here today. Well, not literally, obviously, but... you know. I have never met someone as dedicated or kind-hearted or compassionate as you, and if that doesn't mean that you deserve happiness, I don't know what does. Caitlin Snow, you _will_ be happy, and you will be happy soon."

She didn't lift her head. "Thank you," she murmured. As a response, Barry kissed the top of her head.

"I'll get you something comfortable to change into," he said after a while. He went to his closet and fetched some sweatpants and a T-Shirt with "Save the unicorns" written on it. Caitlin took the articles of clothing, grinning at the shirt and declaring it as hers, and went to the adjacent bathroom, emerging later in an oversized dress-looking T-Shirt and incredibly baggy pants.

"They're big," she said.

He chuckled. "Yes they are. But you look extremely cute in them."

"Yes I do," she agreed. She walked back to the bed, but, with a pensive look etched on her face, didn't sit down. "They're annoying... I'm taking them off," she announced, resolute.

Barry was caught off guard. "What?"

A pair of sweatpants was thrown onto his face.

And Caitlin Snow was in front of him, in a loose-fitting shirt, _his_ loose-fitting shirt, legs bare and sublime, hair dishevelled yet sexy, and smile radiant.

Barry Allen was staring. He should probably stop staring. He can't stop staring. Oh shit, he's in trouble. Deep, deep trouble.

He cleared his throat. "I don't..." His voice was scratchy, so he tried again. "You should take the bed."

"Not yet!" she said excitedly. "I wanna see who's better."

"Who's... Who's better at what?" he asked, confused.

"Fighting," she revealed as if it were the most obvious thing.

"I'm not gonna fight you!" he said incredulously.

Her mood immediately changed. "You scared of me, huh? Huh?"

"You're drunk! I'm not gonna fight you!" he repeated, but with less assertion. Something about her actually _was_ scaring him, but it definitely wasn't her fighting skills. It was more the face she'd make if he denied her request. And she was just _too_ adorable like that to pass up the opportunity.

"Fight me! I dare you." She put her hands up in fists in front of her, though they were far apart from her and her middle, useless in a real fight.

He let out an exaggerated sigh, one he didn't really mean. "Fine. Hit me."

She did. Or rather tried to. Her fist hit air 30 cm away from his face. She tried again, and got closer... at 20 cm away. Third time was the charm as her fist landed where his face would have been had he not seen it coming and moved.

"Hey!" She put up a chiding finger. "No superpowers."

He bit back a laugh. "I'm not using them!"

She launched herself at him, and the momentum made them both fall. He quickly moved on top of her and gently pinned her to the ground. She stared at him, doe-eyed, and he melted. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't break eye contact. He was totally under her spell, and he didn't mind.

"Are you going to kiss me now?"

"Can I?" he asked breathlessly.

It was as if she had abruptly sobered up. "Always."

His heartbeat quickened. He was suddenly hyper-aware of her arms snaking around his waist, of his hands firmly on the ground on either side of her chest, of his legs bestriding her bare ones, of the heat radiating off her. He leaned in and kissed her, savouring every moment, wishing it could last forever, oblivious to the taste of alcohol on her lips.


End file.
